I have heard, quite frequently, people talking about being too old to get published. Apparently, floating around somewhere out there is an unwritten rule (in people’s heads) that they are too old to become published or famous. There have been so many stories about people not becoming published or noticed until later in life anyway, that I believe this is just people’s fears holding them back from trying. If you are wondering where I am finding my sources about people saying these things (about being too young or too old) try going up to a younger person, high school or early college, or a more elderly person and ask them what they believe they are capable of. You might get a few who are extremely sure of themselves, but from my personal experience, I have heard unsure-filled answers from both ends. People use their age as an excuse to not try. “Oh, I’m too young” or “I’m way too old” is what hits my ears.
There are so many stories about people; young and old, who have defeated the odds. But I want to give an example of a lady I actually know who just got published. She is a little older than my parents and honestly, I wasn’t even aware that she was trying to write a book, but she sent a copy of her book to me personally asking me to read it. I am, at the moment, busy, but my mom began to read it. It isn’t fiction, actually it’s spiritual and more of a bible study, but still, this woman who has never been published before, never really had any experience, just had a book published. I have no idea how many times she tried and was turned down, but she made it, and I believe we can too!
Because writing is becoming so popular, many people are beginning blogs for people to follow them. There have been many stories about writers making their way to popularity and fame through blogging and small, every day things. One writer named Miranda July, made her way to becoming a successful author and director by telling random women to send her short clips of videos they had take. She would then combine all of the videos she received together and send them back to the women. By doing this, she created group of women who had the same passion, and also a name for herself. The more people would participate, the more they talked about it to others and the more their friends began getting involved. This is a fantastic example of how anyone can use the resources they have around them to benefit them in the world.
So I kinda want to preach with this post. I want you to close your eyes and think back to the first time you saw your husband/fiance or whoever. I want you to recall the emotions that you felt at that time. Were they happy? Infatuation? Or maybe disgust! Haha What about when you first started dating? Where were you? What happened? How did you act? Were you nervous? Was he? Do you remember what you were thinking?
After you have thought of that I want you to quickly grab a pencil and paper and write down all your thoughts and feelings about those moments. What was your view about him? What meant the most to you that he did? What did he do that was the most evident to you that he cared and loved you? The first reason I want you to do all this is because I want you to save this paper. The next time you have doubts or anger against him, I want you to read this paper and be reminded of why you fell in love.
The second reason I want you to do this is for your answer for my last question I gave you; What was the most evident thing he did for you that showed you he loved you? Did he complement you? Do something for you? Touched you a certain way? Give you something? Or spend time with you? I ask you these questions because it has been proven that there are Five Love Languages. Yes, my parents are Marriage Counselors so I’ve heard this all my life, but guys for real! It works! There is a book, studies, audio books about this thing! The book is called “The Five Love Languages”. There are many different versions of this book, but the generic one is fantastic! Basically, in short, the book talks about how there are five main ways to show someone you love them. The categories are; Acts if Service, Words of Encouragement, Physical Touch, Gift Giving, and Quality Time.
By knowing your significant other’s “love language”, this allows you to speak the same “language” they do and actually allow them to see the love you have for them. I have never met anyone who’s love language is the same as their partner’s, and you can have multiple. I am tied for first with Words of Encouragement and Physical Touch and a close second is Quality time and Gift giving. It usually (I have found) ends up that your weakest languages are your partner’s highest. (Oh the irony!) My least is Acts of Service (coming in as a whopping 0!) and that’s actually one of my Fiance’s top languages.
There is a test you guys can do together, it’s actually super fun! Just google “love language quiz” and it’ll take you there!
Try it! I’m giving the link bellow!
Alright, so I don’t have a step-grandmother and she isn’t really “evil”, just strongly set in her ways… While I was on the topic of family, I decided to share this story too, to try and give you all some encouragement as well.
So a couple of weeks ago my grandmother called me and we (of course) started talking about the wedding. Suddenly she asked me in a disgusted voice, “You’re not going to have 8 bridemaids like your sister did, are you?” Sadly, that is how many I have, so I had to say I was. Shocked and annoyed my grandmother started going off on me. She finally ended her rant by saying, “I don’t understand why you girls in this day and age have to have so many bridemaids!” Taking a deep breath, I explained to her that my fiance has 5 sisters and I have two, not including my best friends. She cut me off then by saying, “You don’t have to use all of them, do you?” I said, “No ma’am, I’m only using three of his sisters for bridesmaids, the other two are doing our photography, but I want to use both my sisters and give honor to my best friends as well for being there for me.” She was thoughtful for a moment and then we said our goodbyes. After I hung up the phone with her I thought about what she said. It is true that if I were only using the people I actually wanted to, I would have 4 bridesmaids, but I don’t want to leave anyone out and I want to give them a chance just like I have been given chances of my own.
Alright, so I know I’m not the only one who has embarrassing extended family- or close family if you want to get technical… But the super huge question is; what happens when you’re trying to make this special wedding day perfect and you have to invite your family who you wish they never existed? My answer? I have no idea! I’m in that same boat! I’ve been praying! Haha- and hoping they don’t talk to the wrong people!
I didn’t even want to invite them, but my mom said I should invite them and they wouldn’t come. Sadly I knew better than my mom and told her they would. Sure enough, not three days after our conversation, (we haven’t even gotten our invitations yet) one of them messaged my mom on facebook asking when the wedding was to make sure that they could come…. I have no choice, being the poster child for my family, but my suggestion to you is, if you have the choice and don’t mind causing a family feud, DON’T INVITE THEM. Be brave. Unlike me.
And with that, I wish you the best!
Last summer my fiance and I went to a “friend’s” wedding. She was a girl who attended my fiance’s church growing up. She was a beautiful bride with her pure white dress and perfect makeup and hair, but her personality dimmed the look. She was focused on her particular friends and only them. She didn’t go around and talk to guests, and the main thing my fiance and I saw was that she blatantly ignored the young girls there who would stop and stare at her.
After we left the wedding, my fiance was quiet and then suddenly said, “Why would she ignore the little girls? Doesn’t she know that they want to be just like her when they grow up? Doesn’t she know that they look up to her and were watching her the entire time, hoping she’d notice them?”
His comment stuck with me.
A few months after that, I had finally gotten my wedding dress and was getting it altered. I stepped out of the dressing room and while letting the lady make some corrections, I looked down and saw a little girl with golden ringlets and blue eyes staring up at me. The words of my fiance came back to me and I smiled at her. I waved and then asked if she wanted to come closer. She was hiding behind her mom, but when I asked her that, and her eyes grew round and she nodded, slowly moving closer to me. She got to the tip of my skirt, and stopped. I smiled bigger as I watched her stare at it. I then asked her if she wanted to touch it. She reached out and felt the material with her fingers. She giggled and ran back to her mom.
My mom and I laughed and continued with the alterations. Then I heard the little girl ask her mom, “Is she a princess?”
“Yes.” Her mom said with a smile.
“Is she going to live Happily Ever After?” was her next innocent question.
“Yes” her mom answered again with a smile.
I didn’t tell you this story to have you all think that I’m a wonderful person, I told you the two stories to give you examples of how your actions as a bride stay with others. This is not to add any pressure, if you hate kids, stay away! Haha you have no obligations to anyone if you don’t care what people will think or say about you. But that occurrence has stayed with me, and I hope that it will stay with the little girl too. I want every girl to think she is beautiful and important and I will do my best to make them know so!
So a couple of my friends had a surprise Bachelorette party for me two weeks ago. Only one of the four girls that threw the party for me is in my wedding, but it doesn’t matter who they are in your life, bridal party or not, they are still amazing for doing that!
This blog is a reminder for all you brides to remember that you have backup everywhere! Just look around you at all the people who love you and want to help make this experience the best in your life!! If you have friends like I do, you are truly best and should take the time (if you haven’t already!) and thank them! The closer you get to your wedding day, of course the more stressed you’re going to become, but remember your fan club who will always be there for you, even if they aren’t in your wedding party!
So it is a little less than 6 months until the wedding. My fiance and I decided not to send out save-the-dates, because we think we could use the money better elsewhere. But a couple night ago, I had a dream that I was at work and realized that I was getting married the next day. Then, the next thought that hit my dreaming-self was a horrible horrible thought. It was the day before the wedding and I hadn’t sent any invitations! I was so horrified and couldn’t believe myself. I made a sign in my work, inviting random people to my special day, as well as going through my guest list calling everyone to see if they could make it and apologizing for the short notice. I woke up, still horrified, until I realized the date- and that I still had plenty of time.
Apparently these nightmares are common, so if you have them too, know you are not alone! Haha The best thing you can do is sit down and write as much stuff down as you can think of. And then as you think of more things, just write those down too. It’s saved a lot of stress!
When my older sister got engaged, we were all so excited. She was the first one of my family to become engaged, (duh, she was the oldest!) and we had already gotten used to not living with us because she had gone to college in a different state for four years, so it was just excitement on our end. My little sister and I were both asked to be the Maids-of-Honor, but as the months progressed, my family and I discovered how hard it was to be to help plan a wedding from two states away, as well as keep my older sister from blowing her top off. Granted, she’s a naturally high-strung being, but added stress of a wedding apparently does wonders on multiplying the high-strung-ness.
Lesson #1 on how NOT to be a Bridezilla: When your friends or family agree to help you with something, and so that thing they promise, don’t freak out if it isn’t perfectly what you want.
My favorite example of this is the Post Card Adventure. My little sister and I were requested by my older sister to buy postcard stamps for her Save-the-Dates and send them out, so we did. We went to the post office and asked for postcard stamps, but the only postcard stamps that were offered were stamps that had a Hawaiian T-shirt on it. My sister and I were going to go somewhere else to try and find different stamps, but the lady said that those were the only ones we would be able to get. So we bought the stamps and continued to stamp 200+ postcard Save-the-Dates. Feeling accomplished, my little sister and I took a photo of ourselves with one of the postcards and sent it to my older sister, saying that we had successfully sent them.
Very quickly after that, my older sister called me crying. I was dumbfounded and had no idea what was wrong. When I was finally able to understand her, I realized that she was freaking out about the Hawaiian stamp!! She begged me to tell her that we were joking and that those weren’t the stamps we got, I told her that it wasn’t a joke and that those were, in fact, the stamps we bought and used. I explained to her that they were the only ones offered in Arkansas, but she would not hear of it. She hung up and called my dad. My little sister and I laughed at the stupidity of this, but we had no idea what beast we had just unleashed. My dad called us into the living-room in order to give us a lecture, but we explained AGAIN that that particular stamp was the only one they offered in Arkansas.
While my little sister and I were still trying to figure out what the big deal about it was, my older sister called back, still in tears. She gave me a mouth-full while saying that I didn’t care about her and was out to get her, and then hung up once again.
By her third phone call, we finally got it “worked out” and hung up on “good terms”. About three days later my sister called me and said that she had gone to her post office and they had told her that those particular stamps were the only ones offered nation wide. Although she didn’t apologize for her crazy behavior, she said, “I guess you aren’t out to get me!”, which I still take as a “sorry”- in her own way….
All-in-all, the first lesson I would like to “teach”, is to just take everything like a grain of salt. You’re getting married! This is a wonderful time where your dreams come true! I promise no one is going to remember the stamp on your announcements (unless of course you’re like my sister and make it the start of a family-feud!)
I believe the most dreaded five words for a bride-to-be to hear are, “The date needs to change”. I heard this four times in my entire engagement period. It was dreadful. But I also only know of one person who kept her wedding the same date through the entire thing, and that was my sister. Wedding dates are prone to change. You think that everything is fine and dandy, and then suddenly BAM, it’s changed. If you don’t have a date set before you guys become engaged, expect the date to change at least once during your engagement. And even if you guys have set a date before you got engaged, it can still change. The important thing to remember, once again, is that you are finally going to be able to marry the man of your dreams! A few things you can do before you figure out the date, is find a dress- go dress shopping! It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t know the date. If you go to David’s Bridal, they’ll have you come up with a date, just give them a random one. (Be careful of David’s Bridal though, they give out your information to everyone and anything…) But yes. Go shopping. Dream- never to early for that! Also, chose your colors and theme you want for your wedding! My advice would be to think about it for yourself at first, go to pinterest.com or even theknot.com and find ideas and examples of things that you like. Unless you have extremely supportive friends and families, I wouldn’t show anyone your ideas until you have it all sorted out and have what you KNOW you REALLY want before telling people. In my experience, I have really supportive friends and a mom, but also a lot of my supportive friends are very opinionated and so even when they said that I should do what I want to, when I would tell them my ideas, they’d shut them down. So unless you have a backbone or don’t mind the possibility of being portrayed as a bridezilla, I’d suggest find out everything YOU like and then write it all down and then tell your friends and family a little at a time.
“Did you REALLY just move our wedding back?!”